The Privilege of Living with Diabetes

Dear Beautiful Person (who happens to have diabetes),

Today, you are here. Is there a purpose to your being here? A universal, master purpose? Many claim to have the answer to this, but the honest response is that no one knows. The question is, in fact, irrelevant. You are here. That is a fact. Everything else is just speculation.

It matters not if it's an illusion, a grand plan, a godly design, or a happenchance. You are here.

And while you are here, think upon the magnitude of your existence: The last science knew, the universe was 13.8 billion years old. During much of that time, Earth was a big, hot mess. Life only began to evolve 3.5 billion years ago. Modern man, alone, has only existed for about 200,000 years...  and only in the last 30 years or so, have we seen vast improvements in industry, technology, education, science... and medicine.

Medicine.

If you would have been diagnosed with diabetes (of almost any type) back in the 1800s, it was most certainly a death sentence -- if not, a very challenging life.

Insulin wasn't discovered as a treatment for diabetes until the 1920s, thanks to Banting and Best, when many children were literally dying of malnutrition and emaciation. Banting had the heart to insist on not patenting their new-found medicine, so that it could reach as many as needed it.

Metformin was invented in the 1920s as well, and has been used in other countries since the 40s, and 50s. It was not, however, approved in the United States for use with type 2 diabetes until 1994! Yes, that is not a typo. 1994.

Back in the pre-insulin days, starvation was all people knew to do to control diabetes. To eat basically no carbohydrates, or really anything much -- as proteins and fats can also raise glucose (though, admittedly, to a lesser degree). Many simply died because it was so stressful -- or they just couldn't resist pinching food, while no one was watching.

It wasn't until the 1980s when a person with diabetes was able to monitor their levels, independently, and the first glucose monitors appeared. If they had insulin -- that was a good tool -- but if they didn't, all they knew to do was avoid eating sweets. Diabetes has always been with us, at least in the archaeological records, since Egyptian times, and we've known it's a disease about high glucose, but aside from that, there wasn't much monitoring of glucose levels until well into the 80s. Ask anyone who was diagnosed many years ago, and they will tell you stories of urine testing (sometimes, once a month, at a doctor's office), and sharpening and boiling their own needles, for sterility.

In fact... we really didn't know that diabetes was not a disease caused by eating excess sugar and sweets, until at least the early 90s. The other day, I saw a very old VHS tape for an old Vitamix blender I have acquired, and in it, they recommended diabetics substituting honey, in place of sugar. I guess in their minds, anything that was natural sugar, was not really sugar.

And here we are now... 2013. With a variety of different types of insulin, mimicking both basal and bolus outputs from our pancreas, insulin pumps and CGMs to allow us to eat with more freedom and catch hypoglycemic events, the knowledge of counting carbohydrates and the freedom to eat cake, diabetes alert dogs, and glucose meters small, sleek, or indistinguishable from an iPod, small, and painless needles... and on the thresholds of smart insulin, biohub and artificial pancreas options, and noninvasive glucose testing.

. . .

Yes. Diabetes is still hard. But we are blessed to live in 2013, and not 1913. We can see ourselves as the victims of fate, or as the blessed recipients of a grand universal lottery. Think about the kind of life you have the chance to pursue, right now... that you would have never had a chance to pursue back then. Let it sink in -- let it's blessings humble you. 

Yes... diabetes can be embarrassing. But all disease is humbling. 

Even if you never had diabetes, life is much of an embarrassing process, as well... At birth, and near death... someone has to wipe our behinds. We get old, and lose our good looks... we may get cancer, and lose our breasts, we may get alopecia, and lose our hair... We may be like Farrah Fawcett, and get colon cancer -- colon cancer. 

Illness is humbling -- for we have to accept that we are frail, that we get sick, that we get old, and yes, sometimes... that we haven't always done the best to take care of ourselves. But, can you think of anyone who has been perfect -- all of their lives? Always perfect? I know one or two who claim they were -- and you know what -- I honestly don't like them very much. For one, they are liars. They may have read the manual on living, but they haven't actually lived very much. No one learns to ride a bike from reading a book -- and thus it is with living. Some of us just have to fall a few more times, than others... and it is our beautiful, gnarly scars, which make us who we are.

I never thought of Farrah Fawcett as much of a hero -- until her war with colon cancer. And I never thought much at all, about Ryan O'Neal, until his passionate devotion to the woman he sought to wed on her deathbed. 

Don't be angry at your loved ones, beautiful person (who happens to have diabetes). It is not a matter of blame. It is not a matter of fault. Don't leave this world, and lose hope... for these massive amount of events I have listed had to have gone through... and for you to be here, in this point in time. Your loved one, well... your loved one simply LOVES you. They are in deep fear because they do not want to be without you -- at least -- not sooner than life will will. Can we blame them? 

I was angry once... at my father for (in my own warped perception) not trying harder, at life and circumstance, and God, and you name it. I was once that angry loved one... living in FEAR. Sheer fear. But, you see... for whatever reason, you are here -- in this very moment in time, and a time when you happened to meet your loved one. This is a very precious moment in time... In fact, to quote Lawrence Krauss -- a renowned Theoretical Physicist: 

“Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life - weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode . . . The stars died so that you could be here today.”

Is diabetes embarrassing? Well, sometimes... But I am in fact honored to be so privileged to be alive, today... right now... Experiencing this universe, the love of friends, and family... The patter of rain on my window pains, the loving purr of my cat, and the imperfect love and friendship of that idiot that still lives here which I call my husband.

Yes, I am honored... to be living here, and living with diabetes.

The Diabetes Funk

One of the wonderful things of having a blog is that, often, people ask you deep questions; deep questions which you may be working towards resolving, yourself... (unbeknownst to the reader) thus, giving one ample opportunities to think "out loud," if one could, on the internet. 

I'd like to address one of those questions...

It's a particularly common one. Many people ask me this question, and it's truly one which is bound to come up in a person with diabetes' life sooner or later: "How do I get out of a funk??? Can you point me in a direction to get my eating back on track?"

I think it's safe to say, this question has no easy, or simple answer.

Whenever we get into a funk, we are in many ways, tired of the burden we have to bear. We have to come to grips with that, and acknowledge it, before we can even begin to understand how to fix it.

We have to recognize that we are tired... 

In particular, with type 2 diabetes, we are tired of having to guard against an invisible monster -- who much like the boogeyman under the bed, or inside the closet -- seems as a figment of our own imaginations. That's the big problem with pre-diabetes and type 2 diabetes -- particularly, at the stages where we have no complications, or can manage with just diet and exercise, or even with some oral medications. How does one keep being a lookout for something that never seems to show up? How can one take it seriously? Why does one need to keep taking pills for something that doesn't seem to show up? It seems a bit hard to believe that the minute we stop being a lookout, something will show up. And then... outsiders don't help. They can't see anything serious, either, so many egg us on to just 'enjoy life,' or to quit being 'melodramatic.' "Come on, it's not like you have cancer."

This particular dynamic makes it hard to commit to making serious changes in one's health, particularly when one has had a lifetime of other choices etched into our internal scripts.

We have to recognize that this is real... 

Sometimes, we forget that the point of the exercise is NOT the waiting for something to show up -- but to intimidate the something into NOT showing up. It seems as a futile exercise with no rewards. But... if I shine a light in the closet, well, the monsters never materialize. The child never asks "But what's the point of this flashlight? I never see monsters in the closet, so why should I need it?" No. The child merely reasons "the flashlight scares the monsters away, and keeps them from coming." The things we do... the exercise, the diet, the medications. They all come together, in one big, powerful flashlight.

We can change part of our mindset by simply changing how we ask the question.

Now, how sensible would it be... if a person with HIV decided that all their treatments were pointless, because AIDS was not a real threat (somehow)? And we all understand how nonsensical it is for a person with a deep mental health concern, to forgo medications, because they now feel well... But it is, in essence, the same dynamic. We are all fighting to keep something larger, at bay, which is as real as full blown AIDS, or as real as cancer. In fact, it is so real, that diabetes kills more people than AIDS and breast cancer, COMBINED.

Yet, people like to speak of it as if it were a mere inconvenience -- like some kind of bunion on your foot, that bugs you when you walk... when it's more of a darker, more sinister situation. I'll save you the metaphor... I'm sure you don't need it, right now. But I'm sure we've all been there, and thought deeply about the darker sides of diabetes.

We have to recognize that diabetes is scary... 

Especially when people are always gracing us with stories of their Aunt Jenny, who lost her foot, or their Uncle Bob, who had to go on dialysis. Diabetes can instill a serious dose of fear into those who live with it, and who struggle holding up that flashlight into the closet -- often making us feel we're doomed into an uncertain future. We get tired, we don't want to face reality, and we get scared into inaction. And it's probably because diabetes is more like an endless night, and the flashlight eventually needs new batteries.

So we fumble. 

We fumble, and we won't eat 'right,' or we won't take the god-awful medications, or we 'fudge' the insulin. We want to pretend normalcy, again. We want to believe we live in a world where we are not the ones with diabetes. Or, perhaps, where we sinned and then got diabetes. But... why shouldn't we be the ones with diabetes? Do you know of anyone else more worthy of having diabetes than you, or I? More deserving, somehow? Who had it coming? What makes someone worthy, or not, of having diabetes? Or of having any disease? The answer is nothing. Both birth, and death... happen to all of us. The number one risk factor for getting ill... is living. And if you enjoyed your living, thus far, make peace with it. Don't somehow, 'forgive yourself',' as if you've erred. You haven't. No. Make peace with it. You lived, you loved... and that's what we ALL do. In our own way. Now it's time to live differently. To enjoy differently.  

Diabetes is not a judgment on your previous life; it is merely, a different life. In many ways, coming to terms with accepting diabetes, is coming to terms with our own mortality, for managing one, is preserving the other. 

And we have to strive to preserve life, to enjoy life. To take life one step at a time.

We have to recognize that it takes baby steps...

It takes baby steps to accept our life, our mortality, and the things we need to embrace to preserve that life. Managing diabetes is an exercise in self-love. And self love is something that takes a great deal of patience, and self-awareness. 

There are a few things one can do, such as:

• Start small: Seek to make one small change a day, and focus on it for an extended period of time. Perhaps that change can be as small as taking your medications as prescribed, until it becomes an innate habit. Or, perhaps that change can be going out for a small walk around the block, every morning... Maybe even just having ONE meal a day in which you have a non-starchy vegetable. You get the idea... 
• Work on other projects: Often, when I feel my health life is a mess, I simply go and deep clean the living room, or the bedroom, or the bathroom... or I organize the kitchen. It seems silly, but it often helps give me motivation to take on almost anything -- and put it back in order. Plus, it helps give me some immediate victories to focus on, and not look for the constant 'far away' victory of 'not worsening my diabetes.' In essence, I shift the focus to something else, more immediate. And it's silly, but it helps me feel a bit whole. It's a great big victory when one has cleaned out an entire closet full of junk! So... shift the focus.
• Give yourself time off: Diabetes is like a job. Diabetes IS a job. It's a 24/7 job in which you get no time off, and constant worry. You're meant to always watch your health, mind what you eat, and test, test, test... always worried the boogeyman is coming through the door. We tend to get very strict with ourselves -- jump on all manner of fad diets, cleanses, and various things -- because we want to fix the problem NOW. (It's a leftover problem from how we deal with weight, and obesity, and they don't work, and they are wrong.) Look... even skinny people let their hair down once in a while. Schedule one day a week, where you let yourself have some kind of fun, with yourself -- or friends and family -- and look forward to it. You can have a slice or two of pizza... if you like. The world will NOT end, and your foot will NOT fall off. 
• Do not judge yourself: "I can't believe that wimp's been running that marathon for 10 miles, and he's already tired! Let's berate him until he makes it to the finish line!" -- said no one, ever. Diabetes is a marathon. You're going to get tired, emotional, upset... and sometimes make bad decisions. IT'S OKAY. Tomorrow is another day. Recognize and accept those feelings. DO NOT ABANDON YOURSELF. Simply acknowledge yourself... and see what you learn! Tomorrow is ALWAYS the beginning of a brand new year, not January 1st. 
• Don't hide: Find a support system. I know... family, and friends, often don't get what we go through. But if you're reading this blog, you're probably already a bit familiar with the diabetic online community. In it, you can find lots of people who like you, and I, are going through this struggle. You can vent to us! We know, and we can relate. There are a lot of places where you can read through people's sincere journeys of struggle, and hope -- or where you can read others' questions, and learn from the responses they get -- even if you want to remain anonymous. 
• Ponder the benefits: Do you like feeling good? Do you like having energy? Do you like feeling confident that you can set, and complete goals? Do you like not getting sick as often? Do you want to have health and energy for your family? I know I take these for granted more than I would like, and when I do... it's easy for me to get into a funk. 
• Seek appropriate medical advise: Find a medical team that is willing to work with you, and to educate you. If need be, find a therapist who has experience with patients facing chronic health conditions. Diabetes is very much a psycho-social health condition, as well as a physical ailment. It's very hard to make progress when you work with people who seek to blame you, or leave you off on your own, with few tools to work with. This also goes for managing any side complications you may have, which may add to the burden of diabetes, such as hypothyroidism, depression or carpal tunnel worries. With carpal tunnel, for example, a good doctor can set you up with overnight braces, to keep pain at bay, as well as with a steady Vitamin B6 therapy to help reduce inflammation. Proper hypothyroid medication can also help reduce depression issues. And -- it's important to mention -- that reducing blood glucose levels helps improve ALL of these conditions to some degree, or another. 
• Seek to learn about 'the funk': There are quite a few resources, available, from persons going through 'the funk,' which can help you be better prepared the next time you feel you might stumble. The goal isn't so much 'averting' a stumble -- but learning from it, and getting back up!  
• From vlogs, to blog posts... We like to call 'the funk' diabetes burnout. 
• Tips to Help Beat Diabetes Burnout - #16
• “Five Ways I Got Over Diabetes Burnout”
• A few books you can read are: 
• "Diabetes Burnout"
• "Emotional Eating with Diabetes"

As a person living through her third year of a type 2 diabetes diagnosis, I am far from being an expert in these topics. I struggle along like a blind man, in a dark room, trying to find a black cat. I have to constantly remind myself that, though I may know how to play the game, I need to actually play the game. I hope that, even with all the things I have said here, just the thought of knowing someone else out there is going through a similar battle... is enough of a wind beneath your wings. 

It's certainly given me an excuse to ponder some of these things... a bit more than I would like. :)  

I Should Not Have Eaten SO MANY Carbs

The room is dark... though a few sprays of light come in through the windows; beams from the outdoor lamp posts invading my thoughts. The evening's navy watercolors wash the walls, and windows... and the sounds that would normally lull me to sleep, now keep me awake. The man's heavy breathing, the cat's snoring, the whistling of the wind through the glass panes, the neighbors upstairs finishing up whatever toiletry rituals.

The bed feels lumpy, unusually so, and I toss and turn. I toss on my left side, and I feel the burn shoot through my esophagus, damned acid reflux that never plays nice. I have to, somehow, find a way to straighten my arms, uncurl the wrists, unclutch the comforter. I never liked my thoughts, much, at this hour... Much like the acid reflux, they just never play nice. Irrational foreign invaders, like quixotic windmills, in my mind. I am scared, I admit. I am tired, and I'm scared.

I haven't exactly been taking the greatest care of myself, over the last month or so. Why can't I just find the will, the strength, and just keep going? Be perfect all the time? Why can't I just pick up, and do what mostly no other person (without a chronic illness) really does (but claims they do), and save my life? I see them eating crap all the time -- those skinny goody two shoes... I see them there. Living the chronic free life. Chronic. You'd think I was talking about pot. Save my life. I shouldn't have eaten so many carbs. I think of my dad. I think of kidneys. Gosh, I think I can feel my kidneys. Proteins, flushing, overpowering, disempowering. Would I even be able to know if there was something wrong with my kidneys? No. Not really. Not without insurance... though perhaps, though, through the Free Clinic.

But not my ovaries. No one cares about my ovaries. Ovaries are "luxuries." I think about what state mine must be in. My thoughts race, and travel, and warp, and twist... Planned Parenthood can't do anything about my ovaries... I think about women losing ovaries to cysts. Why the hell me? What the hell was so special about ME, in my family, that I had to be the one born with the woman-changing-into-a-man-disease. THIS IS SHIT. I think about that stupid woman from an old job... that woman who must've weighed about 400 lbs, yet she had no disease. No disease, but the obesity, of course. I don't blame her, one bit... I am jealous, I have to admit... But she'd sit there, and ask me dumb things. She'd ask me "Why is your scalp all shiny under the lights? It's so shiny!," and she'd giggle... Sigh... how the hell do you tell someone "Bitch, I am losing my hair, can't you get some manners, tact, and a sense of self??" I don't want to lose my hair... I don't. I am NOT my hair. Hair. I have waaaaaay too much facial hair. Goddamned PCOS. I am tired of plucking away the hair... I can't handle waxing, can't afford electrolysis, much less laser hair removal... So pluck, pluck, I must... What to do about all this crappy hair??? Every day... I am more and more a shadow of who I used to be... a woman with no hair on her head, and all the hair on her face. I constantly forget to take my medicine. Stupid Hypothyroidism, stupid PCOS. I. should. not. have. eaten. so. many. carbs.

I must toss onto my right side. I wonder if I'm losing my mind; a person without a proper job... ends up losing their mind. My back hurts, my breathing is hard. Anxiety builds, and I think about my current job. One to two days a week... Unloading trucks. I start to cry. I don't want a job, I tell myself. Employers are mean people, they persecute you, people want to run you over for their own fortune. Still, I must get a better job, another job, some kind of job... I wonder if I can have a job just ranting and raving craziness, like I do now... I think not. Those are reserved for people with more glamorous, yet crappier diseases. Diseases where people aren't to blame for their crap. There are crappier diseases? I don't know... I think about the new yogurt place, downtown. All the same yogurt, all a different flavor, all the same stuff. All the same crap.

Stuff. Too much overwhelming stuff. If I fall asleep, for just long enough, I can forget about some of this stuff. I can put depression back inside that box, and busy myself with life... but just for long enough.

I should not. have eaten. SO MANY CARBS.

Carbs, by basalt

What Some Would Call Diabesity, I Call Diapression...

It's a blue Sunday today; a Sunday marked with gray Fall skies, transitioning into Winter blues. The trees are mostly, leafless, and it's long past the time when you could get away with taking an afternoon stroll outside with just a light sweater.  Looking out into the landscape, it's hard to image all this pervasively barren world will come right back to life next Spring.

Such can be the seasons of Diabetes.

There are moments when one feels invincible, unstoppable... committed more than anything in the world, and running full steam ahead.  And then there are the not so honest moments; the moments when one speaks to others, gently keeping behind the curtains the deep feelings of struggle bubbling within.

Depression, and other mental health concerns, are probably the most ignored symptoms of Diabetes.  Though, quite honestly, it is hard to call Depression a symptom when studies have shown that if you are predisposed to Diabetes, it really doesn't matter which one came first: if you had Depression first, it may very well lead to Diabetes; and if you had Diabetes first, it may very well lead to Depression (http://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20101122/new-links-seen-between-depression-and-diabetes).

Adding to the clinical predisposition for Depression is the heavy guilt burden being heaped upon patients by outsiders, and by what I would call an "Uneducated Doctor Epidemic", compounded with the "Lazy Researcher Virus," and exacerbated by the "Ratings Addicted Media Tsunami."

Seriously.

What comes of all of this is a perfect storm of judgement and derision toward people with Diabetes (indiscriminate of the type.) Not that the type should even matter; NO ONE gave themselves diabetes.  No one wants this disease.  But it's easier to mock overweight people; it's easier to blame them for disease, and economic burdens. Why else would they come up with such a thoughtless, hurtful, and insensitive term as "Diabesity?" Because it's much easier than having to self examine the health itself of our country...  Who wants to look at pollution, pesticides, HFCS, BPAs, FDA guidelines, Big Pharma medicine side effects, and COI within health guideline organizations, when there are fat people we can accuse of giving themselves a disease.  (Never mind that 33.3% of Americans are obese, but only 8.8% of Americans are diabetic, and that includes all types.) This leaves most diabetics, frazzled (to say the least), most of the time.

Now, Depression in itself, is a poorly understood, and stigma filled illness. I've had Depression since I was, at least, 12 years old and I can't tell you the number of times people have advised me to just look on the sunny side of life, to accept Jesus, or to just shut up and 'deal with it.' Many people really can't tell the difference between the occasional bout of sadness, and clinical Depression... and just like with Diabetes, few medical professionals are equipped with the tender understanding required to help a patient overcome and manage Depression, or monitor a diabetic patient for symptoms of Depression. What's worse, many people think Depression is a made up, modern era disease, in which people just lack will power... the same lack of will power that led them to be overweight (or eat poor food), and give themselves Diabetes. (Even if these statements are far, far from the truth.)

Even without clinical Depression, Diabetes, in itself, can be depressing for many reasons...

• It's just a frightening disease, with many complications and dangers -- some immediate, and some compounded over time. 
• We have to work HARD to be healthy, without any apparent 'reward.' Most people I know struggle, as it is, when the rewards are very evident (like weight loss, or muscle building, or training for some sporting event)... When people have to work hard at something, every day, so they can avoid 'unknown', 'random' complications they CAN'T SEE happening to their bodies, or won't know about for many years to come... it's like trying to hit a piñata in a pitch black room, with a 6 inch ruler. There aren't many immediately gratifying rewards in this game... And if you do ever get that piñata, you still have to mind that candy. 
• Some folks work incredibly hard, and they STILL develop complications. Sometimes our genetics are the damning factor in whether or not we develop a bad complication, and this is apparent in folks who aren't even diabetic, and develop many of the complications some diabetics might get, like neuropathy. 
• Folks who develop complications, often go their medical professionals only to be treated with judgement, and contempt -- told they weren't compliant, and did this to themselves. Type 2 Diabetic patients often get little support from the medical community, are given little to no education, and little to NO tools (such as test strips to monitor their numbers), and then expected to have tight control. 
• Family and friends are often NOT understanding, and judge from the outside, looking in: they may think life changes should be easy enough (because they're not 'rocket science,' right? -- except, they CAN be lol) and shouldn't burden the patient... yet I can't tell you the number of diabetics (particularly women with diabetes) who end up making two sets of meals, three times a day, because the rest of their family doesn't want to change their eating habits, as well. Diabetics NEED a supportive environment, and supportive families, and CHANGE AS A WHOLE, in order to thrive. 
• It just gets old.  Get up, test your blood sugar, take pills... wait... wait... wait... test, take pills, count carbs, eat, test... exercise, test... test, take pills, count carbs, eat, test, exercise, test... test, take pills, count carbs, eat, test, exercise, test... test... take pills, count carbs, eat, test... Can you keep track of it? Can you do this every day, for the rest of your life? For once I'd like to SLEEP IN, or eat without thinking so much! Can you schedule bathroom breaks in between, for the side effects? Can you schedule exercise breaks, in between work, when you're not at home? Can you plan snacks to stuff in your pockets so you won't go low at work? Remember to pack your lunches, every day, for work, and always get up early enough to eat breakfast, and always pack your own meals and drinks when you go to get-togethers because no one bothers to think of diabetics or those with health needs? Can you remember to schedule all the doctor appointments for your routine care? The eye doctor, the foot doctor, the A1C, the yearly physical, the CDE? Can you remember to have enough strips and snacks when you go outdoors? CHANGE YOUR LANCET. Can you still spare an extra 20 minutes to talk to the idiot who just said you shouldn't eat that candy in your pocket for your lows, or it will give you Diabetes? Are you tired, and annoyed yet? Because let me tell you, it's not fun to be the fat gal at work, with candy in her pocket, because her Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome gives her hypoglycemia, and she unloads trucks for a living, but she has Diabetes... So everyone else needs to have a say in that. And oh, yes, all throughout your day... remember to drink enough water. :) Lots of water. heh Or you'll go high from dehydration.  FUN.

I don't really think we realize just what we're doing to persons with Diabetes.  We worry so much about about an obesity epidemic, but instead we're creating a Depression epidemic in more ways than one. We are creating an epidemic of people who want to die, in silence, from shame, rather than talk about their Diabetes, or openly care for it.  An epidemic of bullied children, and young Diabetic girls with eating disorders. If we have enough courage to not judge someone who just got infected with the HIV virus, whether it was their fault or not, why would we not have enough courage to not judge someone who just got diagnosed with Diabetes? Diabetes kills more people than Aids and Breast Cancer COMBINED.

Diabetic patients need well rounded, overall care, and mental health services to help cope with this chronic, life long condition. Diabetics need support; not judgement.

If you are depressed today, friend... Understand that Winter doesn't last forever.  Just like your trees, plants, shrubs, and lawn, may require some tender, Winter loving care... So do you.  Be KIND to yourself. It is OKAY to feel the way you do.  I feel it, too.  

It seems like the end of the world out there, in your heart and mind, but it is not.  I GET IT.  You want the roller coaster to stop...  If you are struggling today, with Depression, hiding behind society fabricated shame is not the answer; please, open up. Talk to your doctor, or find a new doctor.  Find a Diabetes support group in your area, or online... Leave unsupportive environments, and judgmental people (even if they themselves have Diabetes.) Do NOT go down into that Wintery scene...   You can do this, and I'm no different than you... Spring is just around the corner. Let yourself bloom.